You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
--Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark ?
--Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died
--Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
--Steven Wright
(Referring to a glass of water) I mixed this myself.
Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
--Steven Wright
When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a
great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many
people ask me if I'm leaving.
--Steven Wright
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
--Steven Wright
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