Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
--P. J. O'Rourke
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you
where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
--P. J. O'Rourke
You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
--P. J. O'Rourke
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.
If we're looking for the sources of our troubles,
we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ignorance, greed and love of power.
--P. J. O'Rourke
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money.
Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine,
something Brussels sprouts never do.
--P. J. O'Rourke
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose
with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
--P. J. O'Rourke
Fame is a communicable disease. If you get screwed by someone
who's got it, you may catch it yourself.
--P. J. O'Rourke
One difficult problem of divorce is knowing what to call
an ex-mother-in-law, a former uncle by marriage, and other
relatives of a discarded spouse. Most people call them 'dirt.'
--P. J. O'Rourke
Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.
--P. J. O'Rourke
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die
in the middle of it.
--P. J. O'Rourke
Living wills should be very specific about the definition
of 'brain dead' and not so carelessly worded that they can
be enacted by greedy heirs if you foot goes to sleep.
--P. J. O'Rourke
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